im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
