well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
