no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize