She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
