I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
