There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
