Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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