Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
false alarm, still single
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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