Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
