I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
