goodnight i made you a song goodbye
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize