Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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