walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
