Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
