Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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