I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
