I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
