im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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