Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
