His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
