This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
