i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
