I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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