I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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