So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
