Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I just sharted jello shots
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
