I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
