I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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