oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
