i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
