I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
