this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
