First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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