i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
