I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
