the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
