We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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