I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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