Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
