there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
