We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
