sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
