I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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