I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
