How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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