id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
