dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
FUCK WHALES
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize