im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
