Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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