Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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