im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
