why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
