if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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