he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
