we're chasing vodka with high fives
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
