2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
