My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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