I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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