If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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