Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
