she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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